Jan. 21st, 2016

vintagewitch: (fuck it button)
 When I talk bad to myself about not being able to pull my shit together for my volunteer gig with the Sierra Club, it spirals into "you will never be able to do this as a job." 

But here's the thing about that: If I'm doing it as a job, my responsibilities are to that job. I have time set aside, which I am being PAID FOR, to do these things.

Right now, my time equation looks like: 
volunteering + grad school + job hunt + fellowship hunt + fundraising for self + relationships with family and friends + self care/creative pursuits = life.

If I'm being PAID to do the thing, chances are the equation looks more like:
job + relationships + self care/creative pursuits = life.

And ... that's just way more doable. And I have way more space to do the thing, instead of cramming it in amidst all the other things.

I am in grad school to learn and grow, to get to where I want to go, to do all the things in order to build a career. This is a crazy two years. I need to cut myself some slack, make room for self care.

And most of all: a job rejection is not a rejection of me personally. I am not the problem all the times. The fact that I'm not currently working full or part time is absolutely ok.

It mostly just sucks for my budget. But at least I have more time for creative pursuits. 

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