I don't know why I feel this way

[vintagewitch]

I had such a weird experience yesterday regarding my business and it has sent me into an absolute tailspin. 

There's a new conference happening up north, and way back in May I applied to vend at it. I had just assumed I didn't get in because I never received an email. The conference is Nov 1-3 and I wasn't planning on going because it's 3 hours away. 

I got an email yesterday from the organizers of the conference with details. The event is 14 days away. 

I emailed them back right away, saying I had never heard back from them and therefore couldn't do it anymore. They emailed me with proof of a $300 invoice that I paid to vend at the event. I haven't replied to that email yet, I'm not sure how. Then I remembered what happened: I paid the invoice in July, when I was suffering from daily migraines from a terrible work situation. I was in an absolute fugue state and thought I was paying a fee for a different conference I'm vending at next weekend. And still, I think it's really weird and suspicious that I never got an actual email, no marketing materials, no other communication from them. I don't know what to do.

I just ended a temp job on Friday, I've barely had any weekends to myself, the book launches on Nov 4, and I'm terrified because I truly do not have the money I need to make this happen. Because this isn't like a conference where I can show up and it's an easy thing; I need to find a place to stay. I had RSVPd for a wedding on Nov 1, it's my family's women's weekend that weekend. But I read the fine print and there's no way to get a refund - the last time to get a refund was Sept 1. 

I've been spiraling ever since, and I don't know what to do. My mental health has been in a freefall. How could I do something so stupid? How did I lose track of this? I feel so completely blindsided and scared about money. And there's also the fact that it's a *new* conference - I don't know if enough people will be attending who would be interested in buying my ritual oils and books to make it truly worth it. 

I think tomorrow I might reach out to the organizer again and basically say "Hey, there was a mix up here. I was having a severe health issue when I paid the fee for this, and because I haven't received any other communication from you I didn't put it together that I was supposed to be there for this event." But that just sounds so STUPID. I've searched through my email and only finding invoices from them, no actual communication. 

This is so weird. 

I don't know what I need. I feel like posting on Dreamwidth is really shouting into the void, but if anyone has any comforting words I would appreciate them. I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. I'm having a serious functional drop, barely able to do anything, and all of my edges feel sharp. 

I'm vending at another market tomorrow and then teaching on Monday and I just. Want to collapse.

 

EDIT: 

Thank you so much to everyone who commented on this entry. What I didn't mention last night was that I had applied with a friend of mine who is also a professional tarot reader and they didn't receive any communication either and had accepted other gigs more locally to where we live. I adapted an email script from 

shanaqui

and sent them the following: 

 

"Hi, thanks for clarifying this. 

I thought this invoice I paid was for another event, due to a mix-up, as I was pretty unwell at the time. 

I also didn't receive any other contact of the kind I expect from these events from you apart from the invoice, which led me to believe it had fallen through. I wanted to flag that up in case anything went wrong and I should have been receiving more information (if there was some issue, it may have affected other people as well). I usually expect an event of this size to be communicative about things far in advance of 14 days before the meeting, including graphics I can use to help promote, an early list of vendors, and more. This is especially important as this is a conference that many people will be traveling to and need to make arrangements for.

Apologies for any inconvenience, but I won't be able to attend. I would appreciate it if a refund of the $300 would be possible, even given the late date, given the absence of the kind of communication I would expect from an event. I understand if not, as I went through the invoices and read the terms. Even a partial reimbursement would restore some of my trust in this event in the future. If I do not hear from you I will assume that no reimbursement is possible and that you have received this email from me. 

Thank you,
Siri

Comments

[jenett]

Oh, of course that's a tailspin.

That kind of 'wait, did I do that' always is. (I've had it happen too, in other parts of my life.)

Here's the thing, though: you have already spent that money. (If they could refund you, great. If not, well, it's already out of your account, right? Not the ideal, but it's not like they're going to demand it now.) 14 days is enough they might be able to fill your spot, or at least arrange the space so it's not a big deal. (I've never done vendor room stuff, but I do know 2 weeks out is a lot more manageable than a few days - and also that stuff like someone not being able to come happens. All sorts of stuff can happen that mean someone can't come.)

And the fact they haven't communicated about it is ugh.

If I were you, I'd probably write back something and say "I'm sorry, I'm unable to do this. If you're able to refund any of the fee, that would be fantastic. However, I do want to alert you that I received no communication from you other than the invoices (dates [x], [y], [whatever] from [email address]. If there were additional communications, they never reached me. As a vendor, I rely on communication from events for planning, so I really hope this didn't happen to anyone else." (or whatever phrasing might make sense.)

[vintagewitch]

Thank you so much for this validation. And yeah - absolutely do not want to fall into the sunk cost fallacy with this one. Because a hotel room would be at least $150/night, which is another at least $300, and then there's food and at least $60 in gas to get there ... Which would mean I'd probably have to make somewhere around $1000 for it to be worth it. I just don't trust them at all, I don't trust that there will be enough people at the conference to make it worth it.

[jenett]

Definitely over here validating. It sucks on several directions, but I definitely think bailing on it now is likely the best choice (like you, I wouldn't be confident there's going to be enough people, that they'd make enough sales, or that - even if you made enough to cover the financial side - it wouldn't cost way more on the physical side at a time that's really scarce resource.)

[vintagewitch]

Absolutely. I still don't really understand why it sent me into SUCH a tailspin, but I think I'm finally coming out the other side of it. I'm honestly just super burned out.

[james]

Could you just reach out and say you are having a health issue and won't be able to make it? You don't have to provide details, just ask if you can cancel your attendance.

[vintagewitch]

I feel like I want to say more, but I definitely won't get too far into my health history. Cause they don't need all that. And even if they pitch a fit, I still won't be there to deal with them

[shanaqui]

Oof, that's definitely a jolt. I don't think what you said sounds stupid. I think something like, "Hi, thanks for clarifying this. I thought this invoice I paid was for another event, due to a mix-up, as I was pretty unwell at the time. I also didn't receive any other contact of the kind I expect from these events from you apart from the invoice, for example no [XYZ, whatever kind of information you'd expect to get], which led me to believe it had fallen through. I wanted to flag that up in case anything went wrong and I should have been receiving more information (if there was some issue, it may have affected other people as well). Apologies for any inconvenience, but I won't be able to attend. I would appreciate it if a refund of the $300 would be possible, even given the late date, given the absence of the kind of communication I would expect from an event."

Also, did applying or paying the invoice constitute agreeing to the terms? Or should you have signed something else at some point? It might be worth checking which part exactly opts you into the terms, because if there was missing communication, there might have been a missing step in that, too, which might further support the request for a refund. I know most likely the agreement comes with the initial application for a space and/or paying the invoice, but just in case.

In any case, these things happen, especially when we're trying to make decisions when we aren't well; the $300 might be gone, but it sounds like it'll be best to just write it off if it takes more than a couple of hours to try to recover it. Unless any other fees are payable at/after the event, it's probably best to try to let it go other than informing them you won't be there and would appreciate a refund. Which is easier said than done, but sometimes it can be helpful to hear this kind of thing from an outside perspective, that just... letting it go might be just fine.

[vintagewitch]

Thank you so much for this email script - that is super helpful. And both you and jenett above made a really good point about telling them that something might have been off for other vendors as well. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not the only vendor this happened to. It's just so unprofessional. I get more communication from vending at events where the booth fee is $20!

It definitely feels kinda scammy for that reason.

[genarti]

Ugh, yes, I would be absolutely blindsided by that too, in your shoes. Your email sounds good to me!

[katuah]

Lots of great advice here, much of which you are already taking to heart, and I do hope it works out. I'll offer one additional thought - if they don't refund you, can you transfer the registration to someone else? Like, if you know anyone in the area who might want to try vending there but maybe didn't have the cash to pay the vendor fee entirely, you could offer them the spot with some sort of arrangement, like, "if you make more than $XXX then please reimburse me, otherwise consider it a goodwill gift." Just a thought! I think bailing now prior to additional sunk cost is definitely the right way to go for you.