vintagewitch: (fuck it button)

I thought of a line of prose, but it's not really appropriate to post on FB or Twitter, so I guess here's good enough:

Sometimes having an anxiety disorder truly is like screaming into the void.

You have no idea why, but it's dark and scary and you're screaming.

Full post about things like life happening later. Probably.


Apr. 8th, 2017 08:52 pm
vintagewitch: (Default)

It's been a while.

I'm not sure how often I'll come back here, but I do really love Dreamwidth and this community, so I'll try to make it more than once a season. 

Changes since I left:

*Got the job!
*Finished in-person coursework in Grad School
*Moved to a new city!

I'm currently trying to finish up my master's thesis. I've got a first draft due on Wednesday (eeeeeek). 

... I can't believe it's been so long. I'm so sorry for my absence, DW!
vintagewitch: (skies can't keep secret)
 Today was kind of a big deal for me. I made an announcement on Facebook that I have been practicing tarot for over ten years, and that I've started a business. I've told certain friends - close-ish friends - that I've started the business, and I don't hide it from new people that I meet, but ... I've always been shy about my pagan spirituality when around extended family.

But more and more, not being open about it is creating a cognitive dissonance. It's not even that I was hiding it, but more that I didn't know how to tell people.

As weird as social media is, it definitely gives that outlet.

I'm feeling really good about telling people. Overwhelmingly, people have been supportive. So that's really cool and reassuring!

Yesterday was the family's big booya. My parents throw a Labor Day party every year, and this year we were able to have booya because my dad inherited the booya kettle. For those of you who aren't from the upper Midwest, Booya is a giant soup. It's a tomato-based stew, and there are regional recipes. But it must be made in giant cast-iron kettles with a built-in wood stove. My family's kettle holds 25 gallons - it's a half kettle. 

Obviously, you have to invite the whole town over when you do a booya. They had 60 guests.

It's weird, but I didn't know as many people at the Booya as I thought I would. My parents have almost totally changed their friend group over.

In a not great note: Today I discovered kitchen moths in our cupboard. UGH so I've been deep cleaning the kitchen and throwing away food. 


Aug. 30th, 2016 09:54 am
vintagewitch: (Rory Reading)
 Ah yes! Student loan disbursement day! The day when I simultaneously feel relieved that some money will be put into my banking account, and also hella nervous about just how much of that money I need to pay back.

Tra la la it's a student's life I guess.

In all seriousness, I've been thinking a lot about money issues lately. I was hanging out with a friend, and I kept mentioning money and how stressed I am about money and she stopped me. She asked if I had read "The Art of Money." Then she promptly found the book and lent it to me. 

This book has the potential to radically change my life. 

It's about not just how to be "better with money," but about confronting your emotions and shame around money. It gives a script for talking about money in new ways, and understanding the roots of our kneejerk reactions about money. It's about thinking of investments, what you spend money on, how you save, etc. as a part of a values system. I also am really appreciating that the author is a money therapist, and she's worked with people at all income levels and talks specifically to vastly different experiences with money. So no matter where you're at, there is something for you in this book. 

So ... that's a cool way I'm spending this transition time.

My interview went ... pretty well last week. I'm feeling less confident about the second round interview than I did about the first round interview. Which is ok. 

This job would mean so many things for me. It would mean that I could finally - FINALLY - move to the northwoods. It would mean that I wouldn't have to worry about finding a job after I'm done with school. 

It would also mean making some sacrifices. There are certain classes I wouldn't be able to take. It would definitely take time away from Northern Lights Witch, and change my business strategy dramatically. But this job? It's something I've been working towards for years. 

I do have other opportunities. I have a job interview scheduled for Friday, and another job was recently posted that I plan on applying to. And ... I do have the student loans. I could always fall back on those while I try to scale up Northern Lights Witch. Which is a very exciting possibility, to be honest. 

Mostly this week I feel like I'm being held in suspension. I can't really dig in to much, and I also don't want to waste the time. So I'm reading, exercising, catching up with friends. I never do well with waiting periods, so I'm trying to be good to myself. Was super anxious yesterday, but I practiced some self care and reminded myself that relaxing is ok. 

Such a workaholic. I don't always need to be working. 

But I'm also ready to get back to it. Back to school, back to work, back to life. 

Whatever that looks like. 
vintagewitch: (Default)
Ended up in the ER very early this morning because of All The Vomiting and Dizziness. Slept until three this afternoon, got up for a bit, and will probably go back to sleep.

It was sort of like food poisoning, but it felt different (hence the ER visit).

I'm just so thankful it hit after my interview was over. 
vintagewitch: (Rory Reading)
 My cat is definitely punishing me for being gone. Mr. Wednesday is doing that thing where you try to reach out and cuddle him, but he keeps moving *just* out of reach. But then he does get very affectionate in the morning, so there's that. He's getting over it honestly faster than I thought he would. 

Just updated my google calendar with my class schedule! I don't start the next semester until September 7, which is nice because I could use the time to get some other life things in order. The time will go super fast, I know that too.

Here's what this semester looks like for me:

1. Economics for Public Policy 1 (3 credits)
2. Management of Organizations (3 credits)
3. Material and Energy Flows in Society (3 credits)
4. Climate Change Policy (3 credits)

I'm not sure, but I think it will be more relaxed than my last semesters. It's a bit econ-heavy (Material and Energy Flows is a lot of economics as well), but it will be good I think. I've heard Management of Organizations is a good class, and not too difficult. NO idea how Climate Change Policy will be, because it's the first year it's offered. But I've heard good things about the professor.

I have an interview for my dream job on Wednesday. If I get that job, I'll be shifting my schedule around substantially. I'll probably drop Management of Organizations (to take it next semester), and may drop Material and Energy Flows. It's an extra class that I'm taking to get a better understanding of energy economics. 

If I took the job, it would likely mean one more semester in this city, and then I would be moving to the North woods and finishing grad school remotely. Eeeee! I've been trying to move North for a good ten years, so this would really be a dream. 

Trying not to get my hopes too sky-high. Whatever happens will be ok. If I don't get this job, I will apply for other part-time jobs for while I'm finishing graduate school. If I don't get any of those, I'll try to scale up Northern Lights Witch so it's an actual income. I've got fallbacks, but this job is the one I really want.

Whew, anyway. I'm gonna get back to my very busy day of job hunting/cleaning/reading.

vintagewitch: (Gilmore Car)
 Wow, it's been a whirlwind of a couple of weeks. I am very, very happy to be home and relaxing. Toward the end of the trip I was starting to just feel tired. I still went out and explored the different cities I was in, but I started to take a more leisurely pace at the end.

After six weeks in my class in Oslo, I took off for a couple weeks of just traveling around the country. In the last two weeks I have been to Stockholm, Bodo (above the arctic circle in Norway), Trondheim, Bergen, and one last night in Oslo. I'll just do a quick synopsis of the travels in each place:


*Went to the Moderna Museet, the world's leading Modern Art Museum. Had a very spiritual experience. Broke down crying at several points.
*Wandered around the old city, Gamla Stan
*Went out to a viewing point to get a panorama of the city
*Went to the Vasa Museum, a museum that is based on the restoration of a shipwreck from 1628 that sank in the harbor. Because of the unique conditions of the harbor, it was preserved extremely well.
*Visited the Stockholm city hall, which is beautiful. 


This was a mix-up, to be honest. There was a problem with my ticket to Tromso (looooong story that still makes me anxious), so when I got to the aiport there wasn't a place for me on the plane. Commence a good four hours of sobbing in the airport and trying to figure out where I could still go and have housing. So: I went to Bodo, which is the launch-point for the Lofoten islands, known for their arctic beauty and hiking. It takes 7 hours by ferry to get to Lofoten, and it's hard to get around without renting a car. So I just stayed in Bodo.

*Went to a fancy swimming pool/spa. Did a good 10 laps, then went upstairs to the saunas. They had 8 different kinds of sauna.
*Job interview via Skype! Won't give many details, but it went really well.
*Hiked up to the top of a mountain to overlook Bodo. It was a good 5 km to the top, and a gorgeous view.
*Took a boat out to a different island, and hiked around in a surreal landscape.


*Stayed with my roommate's friend, Mari and her husband Niko. 
*Saw the Nidaros Cathedral, but wasn't able to go in due to weddings.
*Walked around the old city, saw the Trondheim wooden bridge. 
*Went for a hike on the outskirts of town.
*Enjoyed the outdoor folk museum.
*Went on a beer crawl suggested by my hosts.


This place was SO TOURISTY. I just had to embrace the touristy stuff and went to a ton of museums.

*Walked around Bryggen, which is the old part of town. Bergen was a town known for the fishing trade, and while very few of the original medieval buildings are still around, the architectural tradition was maintained.
*Went to Hakonshallen and the Rosenkrantz tower, which are part of the city fort.
*Went to the Maritime Museum, and learned about the old time fishing industry.
*Went up the Floibanen Funicular to see a view of the city. 
*Didn't buy anything at the fish market. I was so disturbed that they were selling whale, that I refused to buy anything from a stand that sold whale. Which was all the stands.
*Honestly? Spent a lot of time shopping for presents. And also bought myself a Norwegian sweater.

Today, I'm just lounging around. I've started my annual fall re-watch of Gilmore Girls (don't judge me for my feel-good show of choice), and am doing a bit of reading in between. It's glorious to be back with my cat. I was so lucky to get to go on this trip this summer. I am so happy to be back home, with a summer full of great memories.

vintagewitch: (Default)
 Home sick today. I had wanted to go to the Folk Museum here in Oslo, but I've been coming down with something for a while now and I was feeling really awful. I've been pushing it. I know I shouldn't, but I've been pushing it and now I'm too sick. Here's hoping that I can rest up today and be better for the rest of the week.

I only have five days left here, including today. I wish I could get out and do stuff, but I think it's inevitable that there's stuff I'll miss. 

It's crazy. I have no idea how the time flew by like this. I feel like there's so much I wanted to do here, but haven't been able to. 

Last semester was so crazy that I wasn't really able to do much research into what I wanted to do in Oslo. So I feel like there's a bit of a missed opportunity there. I mean, I've enjoyed my time here, and realistically there were going to be days when I couldn't afford to go out or I wasn't feeling it. I just wish I'd done a bit more research before coming.

But I really couldn't have.

I get a lot more introverted when I travel. I need more space to myself. More sleep. And I expect so much of myself. It's important to take a break.
vintagewitch: (Default)
*blinks awake* Hello, y'all.

I've missed you.

Things got a bit crazy there for a while, and I don't expect they'll get any less crazy, but I kind of want to come back to the community. I might not be here that often, but I do love me some dreamwidth.

This has been my year so far:

*Started a great internship, ended a great internship.
*Finished second semester of grad school.
*Started a business. It is Northern Lights Witch. You can totally buy a tarot reading from me online.
*Went to Norway. Am still in Norway.

... those are the major things. These are seriously just the broad strokes, folks. 

Your turn! Comment and tell me:

1. Something great that has happened this year.
2. A challenge you're facing (if you feel like disclosing)
3. Something you're looking forward to.

I will try to do some backreading, but might not be all that successful. We'll see! Hopefully I can at least catch up on July.
vintagewitch: (tea)
Having weird anxiety day. It very possibly could be because in typical me style, I have an appointment or a plan for each day of spring break. When what I *really* need to do is schedule days to not have plans. None. At all. 

So ... now I'm looking for a day where it would be easy to cancel a plan and not have it be weird. I think that day is Saturday - my "plan" was a party I was invited to in a town about an hour south of here. It's a friend's party, and she usually comes up to the city for social things, so I feel the need to reciprocate and go to her thing. But also we're not very close and I think everyone would understand it if I can't make it.

Let's be honest: Most of the pressure I'm feeling around this is pressure that I'm putting on myself.

Mostly just taking note of this, taking a deep breath, and moving on.

vintagewitch: (Gilmore Car)
 I woke up on Saturday and could not get over the fact that I didn't have to do anything. Seriously. Nothing?! What is this life?

I spent most of yesterday with friends. Had a long walk around one of the lakes here with a friends, and with her roommate's adorable pomeranian (Pushkin! So cute). Then I went to a party, and ended up drinking and crashing at my friend's (too broke to Uber, didn't trust myself behind the wheel). When we woke up, she had a massive craving for eggs benedict florentine style, so we went grocery shopping and made these amazing open-faced sandwiches. English muffin + feta cheese + spinach + egg with soft yolk + tomato gravy. It was so amazing.

I do have to go to work tomorrow, but it may not even be a full day of work. If I can get everything done that I need to get done, then I won't have to stay a full day. I'm really thankful that my boss respects my time. He is the one that mentioned it would be good for me to have a five-day weekend, and that we should try to keep it that way.

I'm debating whether to text Matt and try to find time to drop some things off/maybe get coffee. I have a rolling pin of his, which I didn't think anything of, but he texted me a month back looking for it. Turns out it was his great grandmother's. When I apologized profusely and offered to get it to him, he said to keep it - with his warm regards. I feel weird about it. So I think I need to return that ... at some point. I think it's important that we have space, but I also really want to make sure he's ok. But I also don't want this detail to get lost or to become bigger than it is ... 

Ugh just thinking about it makes me anxious. Maybe that's not a great idea. 
vintagewitch: (Gilmore Car)
 And then it's spring break! Man, I desperately need this. And my boss even suggested that I cut back my hours during spring break! Which is amazing - he's got an all business exterior, and he has a temper, but he cares deeply about the people around him.

Just have to write an op-ed, and facilitate a meeting with my state senator tonight, and then I'm free!


Mar. 5th, 2016 10:43 pm
vintagewitch: (Default)
 y'all. It has been so long since I logged in here.

I have everything and nothing to report. I've been running mad this semester, working between 60 and 80 hours a week. I've somehow managed to stay afloat, but some things have definitely suffered. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to keep up here. I feel like I barely have time to process and think things through. 

But! There are some very awesome things happening:

1. I got a fellowship to study energy and sustainable development in Norway this summer! So HELL YEAH I'll be traveling to Scandinavia this summer!
2. My internship is going well. It's extremely stressful at times, but my boss has been praising me more and more lately, which is great.
3. I really feel like I'm forming a community with my grad school friends. There's a group of us that goes to trivia on Mondays. Not all of us can go every week, but it's a nice placeholder to make sure we get out and see each other.
4. Spring Break is next week! Woo!

Those nice things said, I know that I need to spend more time journalling. I've been (sort of) keeping up with my tarot, but I need to process things in other ways as well. It's therapeutic just to write it out sometimes. I need more of that. 

It somehow got very late. I should be going to bed. There's a cat laying on my chest that doesn't want to let me get up, though.

vintagewitch: (want to believe)
So tired. Much sleepy.

This last weekend I went to a Mindfulness Workshop that was put on by a student org I'm in, and that was lovely ... but it also meant I didn't start working on schoolwork until 2 pm, and didn't get nearly enough done on Saturday. Sunday was much more productive, but still not enough - even though I managed to get four loads of laundry done and cook two giant things of food for leftovers for the week.

I swear, I will be ahead on schoolwork for next week. I swear it.

(Started internship. It's good - it's just a lot of work. Now I need X-Files and beer.)
vintagewitch: (UP Coast Perhaps)
HEYO, got that internship!

It's a paid (not well, but still - PAID) internship with an organization that brings together over 70 environmental non-profits in my state to coordinate legislative initiatives and advocate at the state level for environmental issues.

I'll be their legislative and outreach intern! Basically I'm getting paid to network. :3

It's 20 hrs/week, which feels like a lot right now, but I made some decisions and moved my schedule around to accommodate it. I switched out of Accelerated Regression (ie, calculus econometrics) into Regression (ie, normal econometrics), and am now taking a lot of classes in the evening.


I start on Monday. Wish me luck!
vintagewitch: (Default)
 I had to read a book called "The Righteous Mind" for a science policy book club class. It's fascinating. Y'all should read it. 

Here are some thoughts I had to write up tonight. I wasn't able to finish the book in time, but intend to keep reading it in hopes of finishing it by the time we discuss it on Thursday. I thought there would be several of you that would be interested in my thoughts on this.

Read more... )
vintagewitch: (Default)

Semester started last week. Between feelings and hard work, it's been kind of hard to keep up on dreamwidth. Know that I am every once in a while checking in! Just ... things and stuff.

Started out a bit behind on my semester, trying to catch up. Still trying to keep up work with Northern Lights Witch. Definitely need to figure out what block of time makes most sense to work on it during the week. I'm also realizing just how ambitious my original timeline for the project was, and scaling it back in my head before I over commit. 

I have an internship interview tomorrow. I've been waiting to really plan out Northern Lights Witch until I know if I have this internship. If I get it, I'll be lucky if I can maintain a blog post on a weekly basis and a twitter presence. If I don't, then I'm planning on pouring energy into this project in my free time, probably around 15 hrs a week. We'll see. This is a PAID internship, which would be amazing. 
vintagewitch: (fuck it button)
 When I talk bad to myself about not being able to pull my shit together for my volunteer gig with the Sierra Club, it spirals into "you will never be able to do this as a job." 

But here's the thing about that: If I'm doing it as a job, my responsibilities are to that job. I have time set aside, which I am being PAID FOR, to do these things.

Right now, my time equation looks like: 
volunteering + grad school + job hunt + fellowship hunt + fundraising for self + relationships with family and friends + self care/creative pursuits = life.

If I'm being PAID to do the thing, chances are the equation looks more like:
job + relationships + self care/creative pursuits = life.

And ... that's just way more doable. And I have way more space to do the thing, instead of cramming it in amidst all the other things.

I am in grad school to learn and grow, to get to where I want to go, to do all the things in order to build a career. This is a crazy two years. I need to cut myself some slack, make room for self care.

And most of all: a job rejection is not a rejection of me personally. I am not the problem all the times. The fact that I'm not currently working full or part time is absolutely ok.

It mostly just sucks for my budget. But at least I have more time for creative pursuits. 

vintagewitch: (scully truth is out there)
 My winter break is almost at an end. I'm ... ok with that, I think. It's been an incredibly busy break.

Today ... today I was a total bum. And that was glorious. I mean, I worked a bit on some stuff, but not too hard. I largely lounged about the house, played with the cat, read some books, and did a bit of journaling. 

And I took an epsom salt bath. It was glorious. Seriously. 

I've been working on cleansing, because I realized that with doing more tarot and the break up and everything, I had some weird energy tagging along. I did a pretty big space cleansing, but was feeling still a little shaky personally. The bath took care of that right quick.

Now: To bed!
vintagewitch: (Gilmore Car)
The results are in! 

This was a super quick, super general survey to help me out in thinking about names + content for a blog project. There was really quickly a consensus on the name, so I actually created a blog on Friday. 

The name: Northern Lights Tarot

I decided not to limit myself to tarot, so here it is: Northern Lights Witch!

It's incredibly basic, just a Wordpress blog, which I will upgrade to if I begin to make money from the blog. I also have a super baby Twitter account linked to it, and an Instagram as well. I'm thinking I need more content up before I really tackle doing a ton of social media and trying to gain readership.

Which brings me to ... content preferences!

Again, this was a really small survey, and it was mostly with people who know me in person, but a few who know me online. Most people were interested in an eclectic mix, but there were some themes.

In order of popularity (asterisks mean the same rating):

Social Justice from a Pagan Perspective**
Witchy Crafts**
Tarot Readings*
General Witchy Stuff*
Book Reviews/Esoteric Book Club*
Mythology Studies
Custom aromatherapy/teas/elixirs
Astrology Readings

I was surprised by how much interest there was in witchy crafts - I just threw that in the mix because I occasionally craft, but now I'll have to think about featuring that a bit more. I was surprised that book reviews were kind of middle-of-the-road popular (maybe I just love reading book reviews - there are so many books and so little time! I like guidance!). 

I have to say I was shocked/relieved at how low astrology readings are on the list - that is the thing here that I have the least experience with, and it is also the most to learn. So it looks like I've got some time to learn before I dig into that. 

Also because this is dreamwidth I went ahead and made a feed for you! Here it is! [syndicated profile] northernlights_witch_feed 


vintagewitch: (Default)

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