Field Notes

 I'm engaged! So much happiness! So much squeeing!

Back in August or September, my partner and I talked about getting engaged. It was right after I met hir parents, and things were feeling great. We;d agreed we were "engaged to be engaged." And then we were joking that it was a race to see who would propose first. 

So I started ring shopping and looking for a good ring for hir, and then my jeweler was hit by a car (they're fine, but they couldn't work on the ring.)

Fast forward to yesterday! 

I had an apartment sale, and xe wanted to go on a date after. On Monday xe was like "what are you doing on Sunday?" I started to sense that something was going on, because xe kept saying "I'm so excited for our date on Sunday! It's been a while since we've been on a date!" Xe suggested we go to Fair State - a brewery where we had our first date. 

Then yesterday morning I noticed that xe was dressing up and a little manic in the morning. I had been suspecting something because of how emphatic xe was being about getting there at 5. So I start to get ready, and I notice that xe is dressed to the nines. I say "Woah, should I dress up?" And xe says "Yes, you should look nice." And then I asked if there was a surprise, and xe was like "What?! No!" To be fair, Anais played it off pretty well. Xe said that a friend who had come to the apartment sale knew what xe had bought me for Christmas and was trying to cover. 

So we get to Fair State, and Anais pulls me in the door, and then I notice a table of all our friends. I shout "Why is everyone we know here?!" And then xe starts to pull me over to the table. Our friend Steven, who's a fantastic piano player, started playing the piano. Anais got a microphone, and said xe wanted to sing to me, and that this song represented the time in hir life before xe met me. 

Have a video: 
 

And then, after the song, xe got down on one knee and proposed and of COURSE I immediately said yes! And then we partied with all our friends and family!

It was a whirlwind, but it was so lovely. My brother was even there, which was so funny because he lives in LA and had been sent to Minneapolis to do some work for UPS. So he was actually able to make it! The whole night was like it came straight out of a dream. I am so lucky to have love like this in my life.

(I would share pics but I actually don't know how to do that on Dreamwidth so I guess I won't?)

Anyway, today has been really nice too. We got up and had a nice long morning together. Xe made me breakfast, and we picked up all the clothes from the sale. And this afternoon we spent all day cuddling on the couch and reading/chit chatting. 

 Went to see my grandma today. She is such a sweet woman, and really quite remarkable. ( Cut: Medical details )
There was a steady stream of visitors all day - five people other than my mom and I came and went while I was there. I got a good hour alone with her, which very rarely happens and is nice.

I hope I can go up and see her again soon - she does so well most of the time that it's easy to forget just how old she is, and how limited our remaining time together could be. I hope she's able to gain full movement in her arm - she still cooks everything from scratch, bakes all her own bread (and the bread for many others), reads, crochets, and plays cards. She's really worried about what it could mean for her if she can't gain mobility back.

My gratitude list is pretty closely related for today:

1. I am so so so grateful that my grandmother has good medical care, and an extensive network of family and friends that can help support her. 

2. I am also grateful that I live within a couple hours' drive of her, so that I could actually go see her.

3. I am grateful for my mother. She is an incredibly caring woman, and watching her help my grandma gives me new appreciation for just how loving and wonderful she is.

My pride list is mostly related to school:

1. I am proud of myself for managing my anxiety this week. Holy wow it's been stressful, but I somehow managed to be present for family and get my things done and sorted and move along for grad school.

2. I am proud of how I finished up my first week of grad school. It was hard at the start, but I'm feeling much more confident now after speaking with my academic adviser. 

3. Milestones. Just gonna recognize how much work it's taken to get here.

I've been really down lately. This weekend was pretty restorative, and my week is starting out nice and gentle. 

Here are some things I'm excited about:

1. Saw my friend April this weekend - we've been friends for a long time now, and it's been a while since we got to hang out. We did our nails, we watched Twin Peaks, and we talked. A lot. It was great.

2. Went to a ballgame with my family and some family friends. This was fun - a little strange, since sports were never really a thing I grew up with, but whatever.

3. Saw my friend Mel yesterday. We got brunch, and watched several episodes of American Horror Story: Coven. 

4. My new tarot deck is pretty amazing. The images are surreal, and bright, originally from oil paintings. Here's a link so you can check out this amazing artwork.
On Friday night, I went for a bike ride down to a somewhat secluded park by the Mississippi and did my first reading with it. It was a sort of "get-to-know-you" reading, and I think this deck is exactly what I need in that practice right now. 
I've started doing a one-card-pull for daily readings, and that's been really on point so far. Today's draw was the Ten of Fire, which represents attention and success on an all-consuming project, but it seems to come from a place of strength, rather than negative obsession.

5. Finished reading "Neverwhere" last night. Absolutely lovely.

6. Have been pretty successful at keeping my habitat un-fucked. Considering how busy I am these days, that's a MAJOR accomplishment. Dishes are not piling up, and I'm about to get at cleaning the bathroom.

7. Bought tickets so Matt and I can go to a festival curated by one of my (our?) favorite artists in September. 

8. Have somehow managed to keep in contact with him, even though his schedule is super weird and he's on the road. It sounds like he might be home around June 28th? Which is earlier than I thought.

9. Rewatching "Twin Peaks." The world of Twin Peaks is really inspiring - I might need to do some writing prompts or something. Also toying with the idea of writing Twin Peaks fic. Fanfic is something I haven't contemplated in a LONG time, but there you go.

10. Haven't spent much time online this weekend - nice break.

I should get off to some of my cleaning before I have to go in to work. I'm being pretty strict about not putting in overtime (they've basically said they can't pay me for overtime), so I've got to be really effective and on while I'm at work. That's not a bad thing, and I'm kind of proud of the boundaries I've set and kept with this job. It's so easy when working for the cause to end up working round the clock just because you care so much - but that's not good for the organizers, because you burn out quickly and you end up devaluing your work. So yes: Boundaries are good.

Off with me! To the bathroom with scrubbing brushes!