Looking back, moving forward
Jun. 1st, 2015 09:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vintagewitchI think this weekend I hit Peak Stress. I had volunteers flaking and being difficult left and right on Saturday, then Sunday the balance switched, but it was still very full and stressful.
It's probably just the stress, but despite cutting out dairy my GI issues are still very much with me. I feel nauseous/bloated after I eat a full meal. So I think I'm gonna switch to smaller meals, throughout the day in hopes that the illness stays away.
I'm also just feeling under the weather because of how much I've been pushing myself.
It's also been really difficult for me to shake off the national person's words from Wednesday. She basically told me I was failing at my job, that our numbers were too low, and that what I had thought was success wasn't enough. Which also makes me panic that she would never hire me in the future. I'm torn. I don't know whether to put in so many extra hours (unpaid hours) to make this a success, or to do the best with what I've got and keep myself healthy and maintain my boundaries.
Then again, I've pushed and pushed and pushed myself and STILL I don't have a regular job as an organizer. They're hard to come by, and nothing's a given, but lately my brain has been telling me that it's probably because I'm not that good at it.
I do know that people in the metro area know about the march. At our flyering events this weekend, I would say an average of almost half the people we talked to already knew about the march. The word is out there - people just aren't RSVP-ing.
I don't know. I guess I'm just grateful that I'm not working another part-time job this week. I can focus all my efforts on this, and not balance all the transportation between jobs and the weird breaks.
I'm really looking forward to next week. I'm thinking of going camping solo in the middle of the week, just to get away from everything.
I reread my book of shadows last night - with entries dating back to 2005. 2009/2010 were especially active years for me. I was rereading it in large part because I have some plans for this full moon, and I was looking for ideas, but wow. I think a big part of why I keep a journal - personal, blog, book of shadows, whatever - is to reread it later, and see how far I've grown, and to remember the journey. And it's been a long time that I've been on this path.
And I still have doubts about my abilities, my wisdom.
It's probably just the stress, but despite cutting out dairy my GI issues are still very much with me. I feel nauseous/bloated after I eat a full meal. So I think I'm gonna switch to smaller meals, throughout the day in hopes that the illness stays away.
I'm also just feeling under the weather because of how much I've been pushing myself.
It's also been really difficult for me to shake off the national person's words from Wednesday. She basically told me I was failing at my job, that our numbers were too low, and that what I had thought was success wasn't enough. Which also makes me panic that she would never hire me in the future. I'm torn. I don't know whether to put in so many extra hours (unpaid hours) to make this a success, or to do the best with what I've got and keep myself healthy and maintain my boundaries.
Then again, I've pushed and pushed and pushed myself and STILL I don't have a regular job as an organizer. They're hard to come by, and nothing's a given, but lately my brain has been telling me that it's probably because I'm not that good at it.
I do know that people in the metro area know about the march. At our flyering events this weekend, I would say an average of almost half the people we talked to already knew about the march. The word is out there - people just aren't RSVP-ing.
I don't know. I guess I'm just grateful that I'm not working another part-time job this week. I can focus all my efforts on this, and not balance all the transportation between jobs and the weird breaks.
I'm really looking forward to next week. I'm thinking of going camping solo in the middle of the week, just to get away from everything.
I reread my book of shadows last night - with entries dating back to 2005. 2009/2010 were especially active years for me. I was rereading it in large part because I have some plans for this full moon, and I was looking for ideas, but wow. I think a big part of why I keep a journal - personal, blog, book of shadows, whatever - is to reread it later, and see how far I've grown, and to remember the journey. And it's been a long time that I've been on this path.
And I still have doubts about my abilities, my wisdom.
