Hello dreamwidth. It's been a while

I don't know why I'm logging on today. Probably because someone I follow on Twitter was talking about how they miss the anonymous and intimate world of Livejournal (the good years - circa 2003-2008). I miss that too. I miss having a space to record what's going on with me and my life that doesn't matter, that is somewhat ephemeral, that lives in this keyboard, behind this screen. 

I can't seem to keep a paper journal. I want to, I love stationery, but I most often work behind a screen. It helps me get the words out faster.

I used to write in here for community, but I doubt anyone's listening now. Maybe I just want to scream into the void. 

(How VERY emo of me.)

It's ok though. If this keeps me doing some things, documenting life, that's all for the better. I do worry about losing access to Dreamwidth, but I'm not quite sure why. I think it's because I can't access my oldest Livejournal, and I wish I could. I want to look back over my memories, to see what was REALLY going on there. How much was I kidding myself? 

But I don't write memoir. I don't need to know the exact details of that time in my life. Maybe they're best left locked away on Russian servers. 

Now I'm just procrastinating. Time to take some bacopa and get back to work.

Let's get caught up!

 SO much has changed since the last time I was active on this account. 

Here's a quick run-down of things you need to know:

1. The dream job that I got? Yeah it was terrible and my coworkers were extremely abusive and I left it and the field of public policy entirely.
1.5. I'm back in the Twin Cities
2. I am now a full time witch, making money through tarot readings + teaching classes. Money is hard, but the work is good.
3. I now live with my partner. I refer to our home as "The Rookery," since we're both corvid enthusiasts.
4. Chronic pain got really, really bad this year. Had to leave my job as a housecleaner. Still workin on chronic pain stuff.
5. Just went through treatment for my eating disorder. Will probably talk a lot about living in ED recovery here, but don't worry - it'll be under a trigger warning/cut.
6. I'm also back here because I'm getting more and more into fanfic and miss fandom community. I'm mostly in the Harry Potter fandom, but want to expand a bit into Game of Thrones. 

That's kind of what you need to know? I think it is. Yes. 

I've been wanting to journal for a long time, but it doesn't work super well. I think it's because, when I had the most reliable journal, it was my Livejournal. I still keep a Book of Shadows, and plenty of notebooks, but a diary? Well. I guess this format is the best for me. 

One thing my therapist has recommended is keeping a gratitude journal. Not just things that I'm grateful for, but specifically things about my body that I'm grateful for. I've struggled to actually do that, largely because I want a gratitude journal to be ... more ephemeral? I don't know. This feels like a better format for that. And posting here is weirdly a different kind of accountability. It's easy to forget about a journal - but I'm online all the time. 

I've also been getting into fandom again. Unapologetically. Now that my "day job" is witchy shit, I need a hobby that takes me away from that entirely. Reading fiction has been a wonderful balm, and when I'm going through a rough time mental health wise, fanfiction is a lovely comfort. I actually started writing a fic this spring - it's Drarry, and it's been rolling around in my head for a year. I do a lot of writing for work, but no writing of fiction. Those feel like totally different thinking processes.

But yes, I WILL post my fic here, as well as on AO3. My username there is shopwitch , and I locked down the shopwitch journal here. I'll probably use that as the main spot to POST fic, but crosspost to here. So give that one a follow? There's nothing going on over there at the moment because I'm not quite ready to post. 

ANYWAY. That's a lot of business type stuff for this morning. It's a weekday morning and I am going to go take a nice long soak, because my workday technically doesn't start until later. 

Chat soon, y'all!