vintagewitch

UGH. So many things imploded today.

This has not been a good weekend. My brain weasels are freaking out and really playing into the impostor syndrome. I was at a party with some of my more radical environmental activist friends, and was in the uncomfortable position of explaining - almost endlessly, there were people who kept asking me questions - energy policy stuff. And I just got in a mode.

And all day Saturday I felt like utter shit because oh no, I didn't share the opinions of everyone around me.

I'm also trying really hard not to apologize constantly for my existence, for being intelligent, and for having opinions. And I steadfastly didn't apologize on Friday. And so ... I was a bit of a wreck yesterday.

Then today. I had several group projects implode. As I was heading out the door this morning for a group meeting, I started having an anxiety attack. I was still a bit of a wreck by the time I got to the train station, which was Bad News.

As always happens when I'm obviously emotional on the train, I got sexually harassed. Two men were teasing me as I was getting on the train "hey pretty lady you going our way?" "why don't you smile?" I gave them my best fuck off look (while I was still sniffling a bit from anxiety attack), and lo and behold. We ended up in the same car. They continued to harass me. I basically turned to them and snapped "I'm not in the mood to be harassed." Then they apologized, but kept harassing me. So OF COURSE, the panic attack started ALL THE FUCK OVER AGAIN.

So I got off at the next stop, walked home, and Matt drove me to school.

Thankfully the group member I met with for the video project is turning into a good friend of mine, and he's just delightful, so our group meeting wasn't hellish. He was also very sympathetic and disgusted when I told him about the sexual harassment I'd dealt with.

Then after that meeting, another group project I'm working on imploded.

Then, surprise! Matt's mom wanted to have dinner with Matt and I.

And now ... I'm fucking exhausted.

But I'm finally done with work for the day, and I'm going to go to bed now. Tomorrow's a super busy day - I'm filming a protest for my energy film project, and I've got many classes, and I've got a Statistics group report due on Tuesday. Here's hoping I at least feel more solid on my feet tomorrow.