Field Notes

So question: All over TikTok there's this idea of "aesthetics," like cottagecore or Dark Academia. Are these just watered down subcultures? 

Like I LOVE Dark Academia as a style template and am trying to find pieces to add to my wardrobe that give it a more Dark Academic vibe. I've always loved trousers and blazers and stuff and this kind of makes it a character. It also feels very goth-adjacent.

But ... is there more to it than just fashion?

I guess what I'm wondering is this: At what point is something a subculture, and at what point is it just aesthetics?

 I got my first ever Furby! I was obsessed with them when they were originally out, but my parents never let me have one. So now I've got one, and another is on the way!

We don't have working AA batteries, so we'll need to pick some of those up, but I'm really excited. it was in the box, original, so I know that it will work. or at least, it's likely it will work. 

Honestly I don't think something has brought me this much joy in a long time. I've got another one coming. 

Re: Wisdom Teeth, I think I can start moving on to some soft/easy to chew food. I ate some chicken+cabbage Asian dumplings today from the freezer, which went well. I also added some rubbery freezer chicken tenders to our grocery order today and those were sooooo good. I think the whole week I've been subsisting on something like 600 calories a day, and my body is just so ready for actual food. I'll be able to start eating rice and other grains starting on Monday, I think. 

The other day I thought that I was getting dry socket, but it was just that my dentist hadn't prescribed any pain medication. So of COURSE I was in a lot of pain. 

Good lord I hope my upper wisdom teeth never descend so I don't have to deal with this all over again but worse. 

I have a lot of meetings tomorrow. I passed out for a good 2 hours this afternoon and it's very hard for me to focus on things, so here's hoping I can make it through 4 hours of zoom meetings ok tomorrow. I'm not going to pressure myself to do any other kind of work tomorrow because I know I likely won't be able to. It's wild how much pain just knocks you out. I'm so so glad that I busted my ass to finish all of the work that absolutely needed doing last weekend. Well ... except for that one page of resources on the website. But that will likely be out on Sunday or Monday. 

Ok, I need to sleeeeeeep.

Edit: I forgot to hit publish on this last night. Oops!

 I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. I am very nervous. 

The person I scheduled with treated it like getting a haircut. They were like "Do you want to come in tomorrow morning?" And I was like "... I think I'm going to need more time than that!" I also asked how long I should expect to be out and they were like "well normally people are only here between one and three hours." No matter how I reworded it, she kept seeming to think that I was asking about the day of, and didn't realize that what I really meant was "how long is the recovery process." 

I wouldn't be half as nervous if I knew what to expect. I hate not knowing. 

Good news is that I've been working like mad the last three days so I can take as much time off this coming week as I need. 

TRUMP HAS BEEN IMPEACHED TWICE. 

Fuck Mitch McConnell forever for not calling hearings in the Senate until at least the 19th.

I woke up anxious. Like, on the verge of a panic attack upon waking. Part of it was the Cat Brigade, chasing one another all around our bedroom to get our attention and demand breakfast. Thankfully, today I had therapy planned, and I cried a bunch. I decided to journal afterwards, to make sure I took down the most important things my therapist said. I think I'll try to do that from now on: My therapist is very good, but I feel like Quarantine Brain means that the wise things slip away rather quickly. 

Anyway, so I have done a lot of self reflection and now I'm posting here. I just finished my new moon house cleansing, warding, and banishing and felt like writing a bit and maybe cruising the reading page.

I got two shiny new decks this weekend: The Gothmancy: Darkness and Divination Tarot and the Alcheringa Oneiromancy Oracle Deck. They are both incredible. 

I feel like I was always a wannabe goth, but I like colors too much to commit to The Life full time. But I mean, I started a horror book club recently, I'm really into fantasy, I love a dramatic makeup look, most of my clothing is black even if I do wear some colors, and I'm literally a professional witch and tarot reader. I think the only thing I'm missing to be "true goth" is the music, but I realized I actually listen to a lot of goth music, but I don't exclusively listen to goth. 

ANYWAY. 

I'm over performative subcultures and trying to conform to the aesthetic.

The decks are very pretty and making my inner child very happy. The Gothmancy tarot has a song associated with each card, and they are extremely good associations. Like, "Lonely" by Tom Waits for the Hermit? "Silent All These Years" by Tori Amos for the Sun? YES!

Link to enable you

 Hey y'all - 

New year, just started another round of getyourwordsout , thought I'd check in here. 

Since the last time I posted, I have:

Gotten married

Moved to a new apartment

Got a new kitten

Taught a 12 week runes course
 

This summer and fall was entirely too much for me. It got to the point where it was difficult to keep track of things here. And I also loved working in a paper journal so much, that I didn't feel the need to post as much here. I will probably always be nostalgic for journaling communities like this though. It feels like a simultaneously really good way to archive stuff, as well as a great way to be social. It feels like the system of journaling on here is much more "real" than other social media places, and it also feels like there are varying levels of safety (aka friends-locked vs. not). 

Maybe I just always come back here when I think of The Good Old Days. 

Yesterday was the day that the Qanon MAGA right-wingers stormed the Capitol. I'm scared. I wish that someone would actually arrest Trump. 

I'm trying to figure out what to do about it all. There's not much I can do. I feel like my capacity is so low because of the pandemic. I want to participate in Heathens Against Hate and try to interrupt the prison-to-heathen-white-supremacist pipeline. But I have so much other work I need to do. I'm writing a book queering heathenry right now. I'm teaching a new roster of very excited students starting on Sunday. I know that my queer af existence in heathenry is important, and yet I want to do more. 

Realizing that i don't need to live a grand life to do good in this world is important. I can make small changes every day. I can support mutual aid funds. I can run supplies. I can make dinners. I don't need - and don't want - to be a hero.

These thoughts are very disjointed. It's only 10 but I should go to bed, try to get some rest. Heal, even in some small way. I pray my dreams help me understand things better in the morning.

 Anais and I are moving back to the Twin Cities today. I'm trying to be as chill as possible before breakfast, and then I'll shift into a higher gear. I'm really ready to be back in our own place, where we have cultivated/curated the vibe. 

I read this Autostraddle article about Music and Crystal Pairings in Taurus Season this morning and it inspired me to share with you all a little bit of the vibe I've been cultivating lately. 

So ... you may or may not know this, but I am obsessed with my houseplants. Like, talk to them obsessed. So much so that when we moved out to the farm, we made a special trip home to bring ALL 13 of our houseplants with us. I really want whatever home I live in to be a small jungle, with plants everywhere. Pro-tip: Plants also help refresh the air in your home. The times that we've gone back home and there haven't been plants it's just felt so still and gross. 

Because of my love of houseplants, I made them the theme for my Bullet Journal this month. This spread is greatly inspired by YouTuber AmandaRachLee, who is a professional bullet journaller (??). Here's her March Plan With Me video, which is incredibly soothing to watch even if you're not into bullet journalling. 

Also: Yes that is a link to my instagram! If you want to follow my personal instagram, it's @ _abbieplouff_

(It's weird to put my real name next to something on this platform! When I was a kid and hanging on livejournal it was something you never did, but like ... being a person on the internet now is totally fine? Whatever. Now you know my irl name)

As long as we're on the subject of bullet journalling, I've gotten into calligraphy/hand lettering/typeface. I picked it up as a middle schooler, but I didn't have the patience for it. There are actually kind of a lot of practical applications of it for me as a business owner (writing out cards for clients, creating hand-made signage for tables when I DO go to events (if that ever happens now), etc.). But also: It's just really nice to have a hobby I have no intention of monetizing. 

Here are some of the resources I've been learning from: 

YouTube:
Hand Lettering For Beginners: How to Hold a Brush Pen
The Basic Calligraphy Strokes Demonstrated
Beginner Hand Lettering Tutorial: 10 Things I Wish I Knew As A Beginner

Other: 

Downloadable PDF: A Jumpstart Guide to Brush Lettering (I haven't started this yet but will probably do a review when I've worked through some of it)
The Unique Book of Brush Lettering (ahhhh it's got everything I love in book arts: different paper formats, workbook style, and it's a really unique size)

I have not purchased the Unique Book of Brush Lettering because I want to work through some more (read: cheaper!) basics before I really get started on it. Will report back, and will update my personal IG with the stuff.

Oh! And also: In all this bullet journalling madness during quarantine, I've been thinking about what a "productive" day really is. It's not always about work and making money - I also am actively trying to track habits, moods, self care, and important notes to self in my bullet journal. 

Here is a very lovely (and lengthy) video about what "productivity" really is, and how to bullet journal outside of a capitalist mindset.



 

In terms of music, I recently discovered My Analog Journal, which is a YouTube station where a guy plays obscure jazz from around the world on vinyl. He does coffee break sessions. He definitely specializes in Brazilian, Arabic, Turkish, and Japanese jazz, but there's other stuff. I think he's based in the UK. 

Speaking of Media, I've also been watching a toooon of Studio Ghibli. My biggest quarantine "impulse" buy was a 6-movie set of Studio Ghibli films on iTunes, and honestly? So glad I did it. I've been wanting to watch Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke for literal years, but they aren't streaming anywhere. So I just said "fuck it" and bought the 6 movie pack.

Best. Decision. Ever. 

I need the dreamy, soothing vibes of Studio Ghibli right now.

So basically, my whole vibe this month has been soft, dreamy, plant-obsessed woman. 

Anyway! This got to be kind of long, so I'm going to leave it here because my mom is making pancakes and you gotta eat those when they're hot. This has been super fun, so I think I'll do more posts like this more often.

I love making new friends, and I also love having my online life be a bit more private!

So here's the deal: 

*All fandom posts will be public (currently active in Drarry, Suspiria, likely to get active in Twin Peaks and Game of Thrones)
*When I start posting fic on AO3, I'll post it here as well with a link.
*Book reviews, TV show reviews, all of that will be public 
*All other entries - personal life, writing life, work life - will be private. 

I'm also very up for making new friends here, so if you want to be my friend, please just request access and shoot me a message! If you request access and don't shoot me a message, I'll probably approach you about it just because I like knowing how you found me and what we've got in common. 

Unrelated: The Rookery is what my partner and I call our apartment. So any time the location says "The Rookery," it's cause I'm at home lolol

 Playin the fun game of "am I getting sick, am I getting a migraine, or is it something else?" today. 

I *have* to work tonight, so I'm chilling at a coffeeshop and drinking a mocha before I go in. I'm attempting to finish up a fic for small fandom fest, but finding it difficult. I read a quote somewhere that basically said "Fandom thrives when people are dissatisfied with the source material" - and I'm realizing that for this SFF fic, I actually AM satisfied with the source material. So now I'm struggling to finish up this fic. It's goiing to be a short lil ficlet, and I don't want to abandon it cause I don't want to get a bad reputation with not following through on fests, but ... I just wanna write my Drarry. 

Anyway the brain fog is strong with me today - who knows how I'll get through the next five-ish hours of work. Thankfully I'm a professional tarot reader so some people just expect that I'd be a little weird.

 I got going a little later than planned this New Year's day. I actually have kind of a lot to do today, but it didn't feel right to just jump right in, so I'm going to start the morning with coffee, leftover pizza, and some reflection.

This has been a really hard year, as well as a tumultuous decade. I've grown so much, and it's really bizarre and hard to put into words. 

I've started doing this process called Unravel Your Year. It's a journal, reflection, goal-setting workbook that's totally free. It's been helping me to clarify some things, particularly about how I want to feel moving forward. I hate the phrase "New Year, New You" with a burning passion, but I do still love the time of reflection and goal setting that the New Year brings. 

So far, here are my major goals (broken down by category because I'm anal like that): 

Writing

Write 150K words (187K+ stretch goal)
Finish and start posting my Drarry WIP (Ain't No Grave)
Plot out and begin writing my original novel
Write MORE - blog posts, articles, etc. I want to start an account on Medium, as well as breathe life into my professional blog again

Life Stuff

Plan the wedding with Anais!
2 Trips to the East Coast to see hir family
1 trip just the two of us to have a romantic getaway
Continue to focus on my Herbal Academy learning, and make herbalism a bit more of a priority
Read 50 books

Spiritual

Maintain a daily meditation practice
Explore more Nordic folk pathways
Work on learning more about my ancestry
Build more of a queer ancestral practice

Physical

Continue working on Physical Therapy, work on slowing down the chronic pain in my arms
Get more aerobic exercise in - running, spin class, walking
Continue working towards eating disorder recovery - 3 meals, 3 snacks a day most days
Learn to at least accept my body, if loving it is too far off
Drink more water, you dumb bitch

Financial

Get $1,000 in a savings account
Double income from my business
Pay off $3,000 of debt
Begin paying on my student loans again

I feel like there's something I'm missing, but this list looks pretty comprehensive. I'm trying to work on having more well-rounded goals. Things that I can measure, but that also leave a lot of room for flexibility. I'm being especially careful not to have too many numbers attached to my physical goals, because as soon as there's a *number* involved, my Eating Disorder brain goes a little wonky. 

So here's to the New Year! I'll check back in with these over the course of the year. More reflections coming from me later today, probably. It's that kind of day.

 Yesterday was the big grand opening of the herb wall at Witch Shop 1. We also had a Maker Fair with local artisans. Then today was psychic Sunday at Witch Shop 2. 

I think I spent over two hours reading each day? I don't know, but it was a lot. Which is very good, because that sort of makes up for me being out of town in New Jersey all of next week. 

So I'm letting myself be a bit of a couch potato tonight. Watched a couple episodes of Cowboy Bebop while I ate fancy ramen (it's really just a nice Korean ramen with frozen vegetables and an egg cracked into it). I've been in the MOOD for anime lately, so that was lovely. Will probably spend the rest of the night in bed reading. I desperately need to finish some books, I have too many other books I want to start. 

I also am happy to say that I've pledged for BOTH getyourwordsout  and [Bad username or unknown identity: inkingitout.] I have a feeling that inkingitout will be a bit more community, since it's smaller, but GYWO seemed like too much fun. I'm at a fairly moderate level - 150K - but I have a feeling that will still adequately challenge me.