vintagewitch | Sick Day ... and good old Midwestern guilt about it

I just gotta get this off my chest ...

I've been feeling a terrible cold coming on for the last several weeks. Pressure in my sinuses, dizziness, exhaustion ... I've been trying to keep it at bay, but that's not easy, especially when work has been really stressful lately. So today I woke up and felt the pressure closing in on me, and I just decided I couldn't do it again.

I'm still feeling a little self-conscious about that, but I think it was probaby for the best. I have to go in to work for a bit tomorrow.

I'm not sure how much of this most recent illness was being truly physically ill and how much of it was just anxiety. The issue was more one of absolute exhaustion. I couldn't bring myself to do ANYTHING this morning.

And still, I feel guilty. Even though I've been averaging 50 hour weeks since May or June. Even though I don't get comp time when I have to spend time on weekends. Even when it seems like things are just nutso. I still feel guilty taking time off.

I need to stop that. It's nonsense.

I'm realizing lately that I would really like to go to a job where I work around 35 hours a week, 40 if it's a busy week. I think that would be good for me. They say that's one of the reasons why people in Europe are so much happier than the people here. Adequate time off.

Oh well. That's not my situation - not yet, anyway.

I've been quite the little spook lately. One of the reasons I decided it was probably good for me to stay home today was that I actually went on Hot Topic's website and did a bit of online browsing. For some reason, I've been very nostalgic lately for that year that I was a goth in high school. Funny, because that was one of the worst years. I would NEVER go back to that place of needless rage and isolation. But ... I could almost picture myself walking into a Hot Topic.

You are in your goddamn twenties. Stop right there.

So I watched the Addams Family on the couch today while I cuddled my black cat. I've also been oggling gorgeous Edward Gorey illustrations again. Thoroughly in the October kind of mood.

I just wish that I could have been working on something creative from home. November's coming, and I'm feeling a definite lack of creative activity in my life. Just feeling so "blah" and overworked. Need to get back at it, but have been so crushingly exhausted that I can't.

Soon. Very soon.