Disconnected Thoughts
Apr. 28th, 2015 12:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vintagewitchI'm writing this from my lunch break at work. Things have been just nuts this week! Part of that might be that Matt and I went home for the weekend to see my folks, and things move at a much slower pace out there. (My parents live on this farm about 10 miles from the closest town of 400, so ... yeah. It's quiet.)
This is the last full week that Matt's in town. He's headed off to work on another movie for 7-8 weeks. With how disjointed the communication has been, he's not sure exactly when he needs to leave, which is stressful. He got an itinerary, but from word-of-mouth from other crewmembers it sounds like it's likely to change.
I've been trying to spend as much quality time with him as possible before he goes. He's been depressed lately, and so I'm trying to give him some extra love. I think it's been good for our relationship that we both struggle with mental health issues - we get it, you know? - but it is also difficult when we're both up and down.
Anyway, I want this weekend to be really fun and special and romantic but we're both broke as hell. We'll figure something out - definitely don't need money to have a good time. It's more important to both of us to be mindful/thoughtful than it is to be flashy.
Some things, in no particular order:
1. While I was home, my mom and I looked through some of her natural healing books to see what to do for my gut troubles. And we found a couple of remedies that are working (for now!). This is especially important because on Friday, the pain was so bad I had to have Matt come and walk me up to the apartment from the parking lot. So I have an appointment to see my doctor again on Wednesday, but thanks to some natural remedies it's at least been tolerable this week.
2. I got a TON of writing done on Sunday! I did some word sprints with folks on the @NaNoWordSprints twitter account, which really got words out in a short amount of time. The writing has been going well now that I have decided that the novel will be JUST in first person, and I feel like I have a better blueprint to finishing the draft.
3. I might be brought on for a short-term environmental organizing gig. It would be part time, but pay well, and I would be able to keep part time hours at the accounting firm. Had a hurried conversation this morning with one of the supervisors, and am waiting to hear from her again.
4. I started rereading "The Spiral Dance" b. Starhawk. I noticed that I have a lot of pagan/Wiccan reference books (grimoires, herbal encyclopedias, mythology compilations, etc), but not too much for theology (thealogy). It's been very comforting, and I definitely want to read more of this kind of writing. Not just instructions - but spiritual.
I really miss having a coven to practice with. It's been 8 years since I had a good group. Sometimes I feel selfish practicing solitary - I want to send my energy up to a group of people. I want to commune, to build others up, not just myself.
There are Reasons why I haven't sought out a coven where I live (a former abuser is in the community here and I would rather not cross paths), but I think I need to take baby steps into the finding a coven. There is a strong community of pagans here, I just need to find the right group to join up with.
A friend and I are going to visit a local pagan bookstore soon. I've been wanting to pick up a new tarot deck to practice with, and she's got other things to be looking for. Perhaps I can start asking questions or learn how to find people.
Anyway, lunch break is up. Back to work with me.
This is the last full week that Matt's in town. He's headed off to work on another movie for 7-8 weeks. With how disjointed the communication has been, he's not sure exactly when he needs to leave, which is stressful. He got an itinerary, but from word-of-mouth from other crewmembers it sounds like it's likely to change.
I've been trying to spend as much quality time with him as possible before he goes. He's been depressed lately, and so I'm trying to give him some extra love. I think it's been good for our relationship that we both struggle with mental health issues - we get it, you know? - but it is also difficult when we're both up and down.
Anyway, I want this weekend to be really fun and special and romantic but we're both broke as hell. We'll figure something out - definitely don't need money to have a good time. It's more important to both of us to be mindful/thoughtful than it is to be flashy.
Some things, in no particular order:
1. While I was home, my mom and I looked through some of her natural healing books to see what to do for my gut troubles. And we found a couple of remedies that are working (for now!). This is especially important because on Friday, the pain was so bad I had to have Matt come and walk me up to the apartment from the parking lot. So I have an appointment to see my doctor again on Wednesday, but thanks to some natural remedies it's at least been tolerable this week.
2. I got a TON of writing done on Sunday! I did some word sprints with folks on the @NaNoWordSprints twitter account, which really got words out in a short amount of time. The writing has been going well now that I have decided that the novel will be JUST in first person, and I feel like I have a better blueprint to finishing the draft.
3. I might be brought on for a short-term environmental organizing gig. It would be part time, but pay well, and I would be able to keep part time hours at the accounting firm. Had a hurried conversation this morning with one of the supervisors, and am waiting to hear from her again.
4. I started rereading "The Spiral Dance" b. Starhawk. I noticed that I have a lot of pagan/Wiccan reference books (grimoires, herbal encyclopedias, mythology compilations, etc), but not too much for theology (thealogy). It's been very comforting, and I definitely want to read more of this kind of writing. Not just instructions - but spiritual.
I really miss having a coven to practice with. It's been 8 years since I had a good group. Sometimes I feel selfish practicing solitary - I want to send my energy up to a group of people. I want to commune, to build others up, not just myself.
There are Reasons why I haven't sought out a coven where I live (a former abuser is in the community here and I would rather not cross paths), but I think I need to take baby steps into the finding a coven. There is a strong community of pagans here, I just need to find the right group to join up with.
A friend and I are going to visit a local pagan bookstore soon. I've been wanting to pick up a new tarot deck to practice with, and she's got other things to be looking for. Perhaps I can start asking questions or learn how to find people.
Anyway, lunch break is up. Back to work with me.
no subject
Date: 2015-04-28 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-04-29 12:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-04-30 05:06 am (UTC)2. I tried to write something in first person once but it bugged me. I kept floating back to the third person present or past.
4. I have shelves of those sorts of books also. And some specific things related to Celtic and also Norse stuff more specifically. I have lived under the same roof as The Spiral Dance for years and still have not read it. :S Have always been solitary though. I am wary of that sort of thing, being in a group. Unfortunately.
I am using a tarot deck to write with! In a loose way. I think of certain characters as affiliated with certain cards and sometimes I will draw cards that reveal things about their motivations. It isn't that I didn't see those motivations before but it almost clarifies things. It's not really like doing a reading at all. I am struggling to describe what I mean.
Have fun at the bookstore! We have some here but they are in the Bay Area about an hour's ish drive. One of them has a lovely collection of stones and crystals.
no subject
Date: 2015-04-30 12:44 pm (UTC)I also know that the gut has a lot to do with emotions and anxiety, and I have lots of those, which doesn't help much.
Writing with a tarot deck sounds like a very interesting exercise! I'd be curious to learn more about what you're doing! Mixing intuition, storytelling, writing ... that sounds really amazing. What deck do you use (if you don't mind me asking)?
Re: covens, I can completely understand the hesitancy to work in a group. I've been to large festivals, where a large circle is drawn, and that's been very meaningful for me in the past. But I really think it depends on what the group is up to. I was originally initiated into a Gardnerian coven (with Norse leanings), and in college I did a couple of things with a group practicing in the ancient Irish tradition, and they had *such* different feels. I've also been in more public ritual spaces where I was uncomfortable with the leadership, so I left the event first chance I got.
There's a lot of trust that needs to be built, and it can be very personal and vulnerable to practice in a group. (All reasons I haven't sought a coven before - I don't know about you.)
no subject
Date: 2015-05-03 01:43 am (UTC)It is so easy to eat things that "may contain wheat" though.
I hope it works! if you're gluten sensitive, it's the culprit in a surprisingly wide array of ailments because obviously what you take in (or what you can't) has significant repercussions).
I cut out alcohol because I noticed it was affecting my sleep patterns more than coffee! I would have like half a glass of wine with dinner.
The deck I am using for the story is the Shadowscapes Tarot. :)
I was just shuffling through it, looking at it when I had the thought that a few of the cards (the artwork) really reminded me of the people and the themes I was writing about so I took some of the cards and arranged them on a magnetic board above my desk where I could observe them. Later I ran across cards I felt had something to do with various people. I would place them in between the people in question.
And then additional ideas would spring to mind about what someone in the story was going to do or was pondering doing. There are these two childhood friends, but one is keeping secrets and I drew The Moon. In this tarot deck, the Moon is wearing a mask.
I was uncomfortable with the leadership
This!
Exactly, with the trust. As it is, lately, I have a hard time just finding nearby friends with whom I can spend time and talk to about things. I live in the equivalent of a train station. People come and go frequently. There is this nice lady, Fae, who had a local group but I think some of the folks in her coven moved. :S She's here in Grad School.
Having said that, it still would be cool to at least chat with more like-minded people. Fae taught classes on ritual, tarot, etc at this place on campus called The Experimental College, but it lost its funding. The same eight people showed up for all of her classes. XD